Almost one year ago, I was hospitalized for complications from Lupus and Scleroderma. I knew I was very ill but didn't know I was in partial organ failure which held a poor prognosis. There were four Specialist's taking care of me who all felt I needed surgery ASAP. Unfortunately, it meant seeing a specialist in another city. At my first appointment I learned that due to the type of disease I had and the fact that my entire organ was diseased, I wasn't even a surgery candidate. When I asked my new specialist how long I had, he took a piece of scratch paper from his pocket and began drawing a graph of peaks and valleys. He explained that each flare would be a little worse than the last, and I would never return to feeling as well as I had before, until it was over. He then looked up at me and said, "I'm very sorry." I folded the little piece of paper and put it in my purse. I've looked at it many times since that day, still with many of the same emotions I had then. My life is different now, just as it is for my family. When we go to bed at night, my hubby takes my hand and holds it until we fall asleep. He's scared to lose his best friend and the woman that loves him most in the world. Our girls are scared. I'm sick with very little energy, which requires spending a lot of time in bed. Recently, on one of my bad days, my daughter lay beside me sobbing. It's difficult and so scary imagining your life without your mom in it, even if you do have three sisters and a daddy who loves you very much.
This year will be a different kind of celebration. We will celebrate the love we feel for one another. My daughter, attending college in San Francisco, will be home during the week of Christmas. Her only request, fewer gifts under the tree (no longer important) and, more "mom time" with less distractions...meaning, any gifts I was planning to make, forget about them, so I can be all hers...NO MORE STRESS! :) Another daughter wants professional pictures taken of our family, "especially, mom & dad." Not thinking, I replied, "Oh Jessie, my steroid face and all those extra pounds!" Her response, "Mom, this is important to all of your daughters and we could care less about your steroid face!!!" My other two daughters haven't put in their request, yet... It's funny, all these years I worried about the gifts. Soooooo many gifts under the tree and making sure everything was perfect for them. My tree was beautiful! Between what I'd collected and made over the years, it was one of the most gorgeous trees I'd seen. That all changed, one year ago, when I'd been so ill and in the hospital. The night before I was to be dismissed my two youngest girls stayed up all night putting the tree up and decorating the house. I walked in to my home and was never so surprised in all my life! The tree had never looked so beautiful! The branches were a little smooshed and the girls had replaced a few strands of lights, (which didn't match the other ones), but when I looked at that tree, all I could see was love. It meant more to me than I can ever say!
Today, I am Thankful...God has given me another year to love my family!
FYI...Yes, I do still hoard scrapbook supplies! I'm convinced there's not a cure for that either! :-)
Thank you for stopping by! I'd love to have you join my blog and leave a comment!!!
